A letter to you

Dear Murphy Grace,

Oh, how I love your name, to write it or to say it. Your dad really picked a winner there that’s for sure. I wasn’t all that set on it at the start but I now couldn’t imagine you being anyone else.

Where to start – we miss you in an aching way, a way I’ve never felt before. Our life just isn’t the same it’s like there is this big hole missing. Our house feels empty and missing laughter, warmth and sunshine. I cry every day and the burning ache in my heart reminds me of what we’ve lost, but also what we got to share with you.

My sleep is so unsettled I dream horrible things, wake up throughout the night screaming and crying like I’m back in that moment. Sometimes I even wake up and head to your nursery to check on you (strange I know – apparently it’s normal). Sometimes dad even sleep talks and tells me to go and check on you to make sure that you’re okay – it’s horrible, I never thought you could cry in a cream and then also in your sleep.

Your dad is amazing, he misses you like crazy and we would both give it all up to have you back. He’s taking such great care of me, he has so much grace & love for me. He tells me how much he sees you in me which always brings tears to my eyes. You softened him so much Murph & we are both so thankful to you for that.

We keep asking ourselves why this happened to us, why it happened to you and how deeply unfair it is. We didn’t deserve this and more importantly you my little darling didn’t deserve this. We take great comfort in knowing you didn’t experience suffering or pain, but it’s also painful knowing you didn’t get to experience our love for you or hear us tell you how much we love you.

You are by far the single greatest thing that has ever happened to us. We are so grateful for that.

All my love forever

Your mumma